“So you’re not going to be home for our birthday again?”
The question that has me sitting here writing this blog.
A few days before leaving to get ready for this trip to the Philippines, my little brother reminded me of this fact and without meaning to, pointed a spotlight on a sore spot in my heart that’s been there since I was preparing to leave for the World Race almost 2 years ago.
Once again, because I was choosing to leave home for the sake of the gospel, I was missing out again on yet more moments in the life of someone I love.
I had already missed my brothers’ senior year of high school, their prom, and their graduation, along with my mom’s graduation…because of Jesus.
As the reality of these things becomes clearer, I am once again reminded of 2 facts about life.
1. You can’t have it all.
AND
2. When you say YES to something, whether you realize it or not, You are also saying NO to something else.
It is here that I am reminded of a few things Jesus told his disciples.
If anyone comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters yes, even their own life such a person cannot be my disciple. And whoever does not carry their cross and follow me cannot be my disciple.” Luke 14:26-27
“Then Jesus told his disciples, ‘If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.'” Matthew 16:24
This weighs particularly heavy on me because while I was away I missed things that I wish I could have been around for and I won’t have those moments back. In choosing to leave again, even if only for 2 months, I knew that I would not be sharing in the fellowship of day to day life with them.
While I do enjoy getting these amazing opportunities to go, and serve, and be Jesus in this way, if I were to be honest, this has become increasingly difficult for me to do. This is an uncomfortable place to be in and I frequently find myself having to lay my desires, even my good ones, it at Jesus’ feet.
I have come to realize that in choosing to say YES to Jesus, I am also choosing to say NO to my own life, deny myself and carry this cross daily.
I am not called to be a missionary nor am I called to be home or any other thing. I am called to Jesus. He has called me to himself.
It is because of Jesus and the surpassing worth of knowing him, that I will count all things as loss and that I leave behind one joy for another.
Let us consider the cross Jesus is calling us to carry and when we find ourselves struggling under its weight, let us fall before Him knowing that we can stand on His promise to us.
If we lose our lives for his sake, we will find it again in him.
