I don’t know how to say it any other way.
I’m learning a lot about myself being here in the Philippines. I think that’s why I’m here actually (besides the obvious reasons of course). I’m having to admit to myself two things that I never wanted to openly admit before: I’m a visionary and I’m a very radical person.
I’m realizing out here that I have this gift. This remarkable, but frustrating gift that God’s given me. I dream. I see things differently than most people. I have vision. God’s vision.
There’s only two words that come to mind when I think of God’s people. And I’m pretty sure I can back them up with versus from my personal study through the book of acts.
Transparency: “All the believers were in ONE heart and ONE mind.” (4:32)
and
Community: “That there were no needy persons among them. For from time to time those who owned land or houses sold them, brought the money from the sales and put it at the apostles’ feet, and it was distributed to anyone who had need.” (4:34-35)
I want nothing more than Christians to be like the people in the church of Acts. But I’m frustrated because most people don’t see things like I do. In my mind these things should be simple enough, right? But when I talk like this, about community and transparency, people think I’m crazy. Sometimes I begin to think I’m crazy. It wasn’t until I got to the Philippines that I realized this is God speaking to me. That it’s not just me dreaming of a perfect world, but that God’s calling me to start a revolution among believers.
But I’m also frustrated because if I’m the one seeing these visions, then I’m the one who needs to lead people. God’s calling me, a crazy 20 year old girl from Florida, to be a leader in something that could change our world. If you know me well, you know I’m not the leader type. A lot of the time, things I say and do to people don’t even get acknowledged. I've never been the popular one and people definitely don't follow my lead. I’m the girl who hangs out with the outcasts in school. Who’s never had more than a handful of friends at a time.
So why is God calling me to this? Well, ever since training camp I’ve been praying this one line over and over. “I want more of You God.” And He’s giving me more of Him, just not in the ways I thought He would.
I came across a quote in a book I read recently that challenged me and I’ll end this post praying that maybe it’ll challenge you too. “If you have the gift of frustration and the deep sense that the world is a mess, thank God for that; not everyone has that gift of vision. It also means that you have a responsibility to lead us in new ways.”
