Well here I am back in america. I am surprised by how unreal everything seems. I am even more surprised by how different I feel. My trip to the Philippines was truly an amazing experience but it was also extremely difficult. I was forced to face the problems that came my way. I have always been good at running so whenever I had a problem with someone, I could just run away. The thing with living in community though, is that you can't just run away. I was forced to have unconditional love. I had to love people no matter how frustrated I got with them. It's funny though because the people I got the most frustrated with are the people I am closest to now. God honors friendships when you are willing to fight for them. God brought me through all the tough times and now I am sitting here looking back, realizing how blessed I was. I am starting to remember the funny parts and the moments when I felt like a mother watching her children grow and accomplish new things. I remember clapping and screaming at a volleyball game and crying when a girl was reunited with her father. I remember praying for girls who were having normal teenage problems but they felt like it was the end of the world. I remember talking costantly about how every girl is beautiful and explaining what true beauty is. Sometimes I stumble across the hard memories. The times when I felt unloved and not wanted. Those times were the hardest but they had the greatest lessons in them. I learned what it was like to be attacked spiritually and found out how easy it is to believe the lies. God showed me through that how wrong I was. I was loved and I was wanted I just had to be willing to accept it. I went in expecting to be changed by the Philippines. I was changed but mostly the change came from living in community. I was put in a foreign country with nine people I didnt know. I had to love them because they were all that I had. Funny thing is eventually it went from having to love them to actually loving them. Loving every corky thing about them to even loving the things that pushed my buttons. Would I do this again? In a heartbeat.
To sum it all up, God stretched me to lengths that I didn't know were possible. I had to rely on God every day. I found out what unconditional love really looks like. I had my heart broken and ripped out over and over again just so God could put it back together. I cried beacuse I didn't know how else to express what I felt. I laughed because there were no tears left. Sometimes I found myself in the prayer room screaming at God because I was just so confused. I asked Him everyday why He sent me to the Philippines. Finally He has given me some answers. He sent me there because there was no other way to rip me out of everything comfortable and force me to depend on Him. The days when I needed comfort I started turning to God to show me the love I needed. The days that I needed a hug, I asked God to wrap His arms around me. The days that I need a shoulder to cry on, God dried my tears with the palm of His hand. I have come to know the true comfort that can come from an up close and personal relationship with my father in heaven.
If you are considering a passport trip…. Just say yes. God will do the rest. When you wonder why, just know that eventually you will see the reasoning. God loves to rock your world. God bless you all <3
~Kailie
