Yesterday I was sick so I decided to take a nap. During this nap I had a nightmare. I dreamt that all my team members were turning into demons that were attacking me and I was scared and kept asking to go home. My team leader Jeremy told me that I was not allowed to and that I had to stay and face it instead of running away. So thats what I did. I stood up straight and didn't move. The demon left and then I woke up. Cut to today, I wake up with this unexplainable Joy that I haven't had in awhile. Later that afternoon we were praying over my team member Kendra and that's when the words hit me. "Set a fire down in my soul, that I can't contain, that I can't control, I want more of you God, I want more of you God". After that I could feel the fire rising inside me. A few hours later I am laying on my bed listening to music and decide that I need to worship so I gathered some of my team and we began to worship God through music and prayer. I was begging God for someone to talk to me. I needed encouragement and I was starting to feel like I was in a prison. One by one each person left until it was Jeremy and I. I started opening windows because I just needed some air and I was still begging God that someone would talk to me. I was telling God how desperate I was for someone to reach out and ask if I was ok right when jeremy asks "Are you struggling with something?" and my immeadiate response was "no". I started to get mad at myself because I was struggling and thats when the second question came "are you worried about something?" and again I said "No" followed by a smile. God gave me two chances and I blew it! A few minutes later God gave me another chance. Jeremy started to tell me the words He was getting from God. It was exactly what I needed to hear and also gave me a chance to get some things off my chest. He told me that He was getting the word fearless. That I am going to be faced with some things that are going to be hard and scary but that I will stay and face them. He told me that my voice has power. He went on and on continuing to confirm my dreams, and pictures, and words I have been getting from God. He told me that I have a purpose and that it's going to be hard at first but it will get better. I talked about how I have doubted my purpose lately and then shared some of my dreams. It was amazing to be able to talk about the dreams and pictures I have and be completely accepted. Today is the first time that I felt like I am supose to be here. I am thankful that God has brought to a place with people who dance when they worship. A place where I am constantly encouraged to hear what God is saying to me wether that be through pictures, dreams, or words. I am thankful that God has taught me how to truely be free.
I love you all and God bless <3
