Evil will only win the fights we don’t care about

It was a Sunday. The day of rest that seemed to be way too restful. It wasn't our off day, we were supposed to be doing ministry but somehow it just seemed hard to find something to do that day. 

To put it simply: I was bored. I was bored and I was tired and I was homesick. Satan had crept into my weak and tired mind- something I hadn't let him do on this trip yet. He found his one moment of that one day to get into my brain and I had let him in. The thoughts started to circle: "Why am I even here? I'm not even worthy to be on this trip. How can God even use me when all I want to do is go home? This is such a boring day and I'm not accomplishing anything. I just want to get away for a little bit."

The back of my mind laughed at the fact that I had said these same questions to myself about 4 months ago when I decided to "get away" and come on this trip. Oh, the irony.

It was 2 in the afternoon and my friend and I walked next door to a bible study for teenagers that we had been invited to. I was excited to finally have something to do- you know, as if I had to work at something to feel the love and acceptance of Jesus. I was standing outside by myself waiting for my friend to join me, and a little boy walked by.

I had seen him before. He was probably 6 years old or so. He was handicapped, special in some way- I didn't know how. And he was crying his eyes out. He saw me and walked towards me. He didn't speak, he just opened his arms and let me pick him up. He fell into my arms and gripped my neck so tight that I could barely breathe. He clung to me and he wept. He wept for a good 15 minutes. My mind and my body went completely numb in the best way possible- kind of like every encounter I have with Jesus. I just stood there, paralyzed, holding him. He stopped crying and put his hands on the side of my face. He then gave me the biggest smile in the world, kissed my forehead, jumped down, and ran away. 

I have no idea why he was crying or what was wrong with him. He never said a word to me. In fact, I don't even know his name. However, he needed me in that exact moment and God put me there just for him. It's funny though- because the way that he wept in my arms is the same thing that I did with Jesus right then and there. It was in that moment with a heavy little boy in my arms and tears all over my neck that I realized that Jesus was wiping away my tears at the same time. God didn't have to say anything, just like I didn't have to say anything to the little boy. His presence was more than enough. He called me here for that boy and for so many other reasons. God broke me in the best way possible. Joy hit, and it was like God and I just stood there laughing at Satan together. What a joke his lies were. I wanted to be here, even if i had to fight for it. This was a fight that I cared about. I'm her for a reason… and that reason is rooted in the King of Kings. 

Life with Jesus isn't boring. In fact, there is no such a thing as a mundane day when you're walking with Jesus- His love and his fingerprints are everywhere. Sometimes we just have to choose to see them.

"Humbly let go. Let go of trying to do, let go of trying to control, let go of my own way, let go of my own fears. Let God blow His wind, His trials, oxygen for joy's fire. Leave the hand open and be. Be at peace. Bend the knee and be small and let God give what God chooses to give because He only gives love and whisper a surprised thanks. It's is the fuel for joy's flame. Fullness of joy is discovered only in the emptying of will. And I can empty. I can empty because counting His graces has awakened me to how He cherishes me, holds me, passionately, values me. I can empty because I am full of His love. I can trust."