And He maketh me lie down in an 8ft high bed…

I peeked over the edge of the almost 8-foot high bed– from up there, it felt more like a dizzying 20 feet. Great, I get to stay the next four nights with the discomfort of possibly rolling off this three-story bunk and splattering on the ground in front of my new teammates (whom I greatly desired their acceptance). Welcome to Adventures in Missions training camp– where the mosquitos bite, you shower with a hose, the toilets clog, and the gravel is a death trap for slipping and falling into utter embarrassment. After pulling an all-nighter to pack, flying from KC to Atlanta, carrying a hiking pack as big as me, and riding a crowded bus for 1.5 hours…I was ready to collapse and rest in my bed. Believing that the tall ladder will hold me steady as I climbed up to my bed and trusting that the boards holding my bed up wouldn't suddenly break and squash the people under me was kind of a struggle at first. Okay, so maybe I had slight trust issues with the camp already…or maybe I have slight trust issues that God will take care of me.

Relying on God every day (even with the little things) is basically like sleeping on the top bunk of a three-story bunk bed. It is so easy for me to peak over the edge and imagine all of the horrible things that could go wrong. When I find myself peeking over the edge before my next adventure, I imagine all the things that I will miss out on in Springfield. I imagine losing relationships, failing at college, and getting trapped in financial debt. This week at camp, God has swept me off my feet (a lot more gracefully than the gravel walkways did). Instead of learning more about the details of what I will be doing in the Philippines the next three months, how I will be doing it, and even where I will be…I was blessed to learn more about "the who" I will be doing it for: I learned more about me and about God.

I discovered that I had a huge identity crises. I grew aware of the weight of many burdens I brought along with me from KC that would have hindered my mobility to grow. I realized that my testimony isn't something to take for granted and how much I underestimate my story. Instead of making us do crazy rope courses, having us sleep in tents, and feeding us rice and beans all week, training consisted of practicing to meet with the Lord every single day–as a team and individually (I'll expand more in other posts). I got the opportunity to take several hours just to sit and listen for God's voice (something I honestly do not do on a regular basis). Listening for my Shepherd brought me peace, truth, confirmation, direction, and a sense of reliance that I would never be able to muster up on my own…for that day. Yep, I get the pleasure to practice dialing down all the other voices– the world's, Satan's, my own– and seeking the comforting voice of my Father. Every day I am learning to surrender my time, thoughts, words, and actions to my Lord so that I can effectively love Him and those around me…and guess what…it is super challenging and super life giving because "the benefit is worth the sacrifice."

So as I climbed this ladder up to my bed, I put away all those worries of whether or not it will hold me steady. When I looked over the edge I saw girls from my team that I have already built friendships with. I saw girls from other teams that were also going out to the nations– Thailand, Guatamala, Kenya and various other countries in Africa. I saw women of God preparing to carry His kingdom outside of the United States and beautiful hearts that were after the Lord's heart. The bed served me well…I didn't splatter on the ground and instead it provided me with rest. On this journey I trust that the Lord is keeping me steady and holds me in His hand. In this journey, I pray that it will draw me into a more intimate relationship with my Father where I can rest in His grace and peace for me. Now I am in the airport in Korea waiting to embark on the next plane to Manila with my awesome team!