With this trip being my first in leading a mission trip, I have been reflecting quite often about the difference between a good leader and a great leader. As I have over analyzed and critiqued every decision I have made, this is what I have noticed about myself. I measure all my ability to lead on my wisdom that I have for situations that arise, as well as the wisdom I can share with my brothers and sisters. All my leadership is based on my wisdom. That had made many high expectations for myself. It was also easy for me not to push myself in spiritual growth, I felt like I had reached some certain 'point.' I stopped focusing on pure relationship with God. I talked a lot about God and love rather than talking to God and learning how to love. I need to surrender this.
I am called to obedience and love, not to figure it all out. Wisdom is a gift God has given me, I am still called to love first. God has taken the big chunks of junk off of me and done away with them. Now I get to dive deeper with Him. He wants to find the little things and refine me with His refining fire. It truly hurts and I have to search harder and deeper to find my True Self, who God has already made me, to find the immortal diamond, to discover the indwelling God, to clean up and refine the house on the rock.
SURRENDER IS MY GREATEST STRENGTH. Let my prayer be that I surrender my wisdom to the Father. For Him to take it and refine me. My leadership is based on how I choose to say yes everyday. How I choose to love. How I choose to love when it hurts and I don't want to. How I choose to take up my cross everyday. It is not based on my wisdom that I can give to others. I have an opportunity, no matter the circumstance, to wake up and choose to step into love, and invite others to step in with me.
There is nothing that defines who I am other than the glorious grace and love of the Father. I am defined by His grace. That is who I am. And that, is who I will be.
Matthew 16:24 "Then Jesus told his disciples, 'If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me."
