As I looked around to see small huts and dirt stirred up all around in a village outside of Manila called Tent City, my eyes couldn't bear it. They could only focus on the sweet face of one year old Jaime as I held her in my arms. Her hair was a sweaty mess and her nose ran for the entire hour and a half that I held her. Sweat poured off of me from the added body heat and strength needed to hold my new friend. Anytime I so much as shifted her weight from side to side her little arms would wrap tighter and tighter around my neck. She was shy at first, longing to hold my hand but not speak. Then she grasped my leg and I bent over as her hands let go and raised up toward me. Jaime didn't want to play, she just wanted to be held. So we walked. We made laps around Tent City. Eventually her sister MaryJay joined us and with Jaime in one arm and MaryJay twirling in my other hand we walked. I couldn't do anything to fix the brokenness that these two girls were experiencing, but I could hold their hands. And I could walk.
As we walked, people in Tent City would talk to me and ask if I was their mom. Which always seemed odd because I don't look like them, but I loved them all the same. I began to look down at sweet Jaime and wish that she was mine, that I could take her with me and give her a different life. Obviously, Jaime couldn't make that choice to be with me, and as much as I would like to have her, at 21 years old with no job, that isn't my purpose in her life. There is one thing that I realized in all this…
My God is always holding tight to me. Amidst my dirt and my mess and my brokenness, He looks into my eyes and tells me that He wants me to be His. He calls me out of my mess and my brokenness because He knows that He has so much better in store for me. So many times I cling to my hut and my dirt, but today, when I looked into Jaime's eyes and watched MaryJay twirl, I realized the beauty of what Christ is offering me. I choose life. Abundant life. I choose the healing that Jesus offers. I choose to extend my hands up to Jesus and to be held in his good, loving arms, leaving behind my dirt and embracing His love for me.
