I would like to pose a question
Have you ever struggled with finding your voice?
At home I was always the center of attention and could spontaneously bust out into a hyperactive crazy person if it meant that people would laugh. I always had things to say and really couldn't ever shut up. Most times my word vomit was great but sometimes it could get me in trouble. I never had trouble speaking exactly what I was thinking and really didn't know how to filter my thoughts. Sometimes I miss that Kailie. The Kailie here in the Philippines has a hard time keeping a conversation going. I have completely lost my ability to just burst out into laughter or to just dance because I feel like it. The past few days I have felt so confused and so lost because my body feels like a prison. I have spent a lot of time sulking in my homesickness and crying because I don't know how else to release everything I am feeling. Everyday we are told "your voice has power". Well slowly I have lost my voice. I keep asking God why I am being silenced? I get no answer. Well today I have talked to quite a few wise people from home who mean a great deal to me. They have had some great advice and encouragement. It was just good to hear them tell me over and over again that they love me and that they know God is doing something in me and I just have to wait it out. So what is the point of this blog? well here it is…
Have you ever struggled with finding your voice?
At home I was always the center of attention and could spontaneously bust out into a hyperactive crazy person if it meant that people would laugh. I always had things to say and really couldn't ever shut up. Most times my word vomit was great but sometimes it could get me in trouble. I never had trouble speaking exactly what I was thinking and really didn't know how to filter my thoughts. Sometimes I miss that Kailie. The Kailie here in the Philippines has a hard time keeping a conversation going. I have completely lost my ability to just burst out into laughter or to just dance because I feel like it. The past few days I have felt so confused and so lost because my body feels like a prison. I have spent a lot of time sulking in my homesickness and crying because I don't know how else to release everything I am feeling. Everyday we are told "your voice has power". Well slowly I have lost my voice. I keep asking God why I am being silenced? I get no answer. Well today I have talked to quite a few wise people from home who mean a great deal to me. They have had some great advice and encouragement. It was just good to hear them tell me over and over again that they love me and that they know God is doing something in me and I just have to wait it out. So what is the point of this blog? well here it is…
Through my silence I have had time to figure out what makes me tick. I am aware of my insecurities and constantly pushed to work through them. In my silence I have learned the value of being heard. Now that I want so badly to be heard, I know how important someones words can be. I now know that your words truly do bring death or life. I know that words have the power to completely change the way someone views themselves. God has given us all the ability to speak life but we don't always use that ability. My silence has taught me how much I need the freedom that God has given me. The freedom to dance, sing, and praise Him. He has given me the freedom to live and I intend to take that freedom and run with it. I know that this will be a slow thing as I build my voice back up but I also know that now my voice will be used in a way that it never has been before. I know that God will continue to push me and use me for things I never thought I could do. Sometimes God challenges us and we turn away but today I choose to accept His challenge and I choose to live life to the fullest and never turn back. Just keep on smiling and living in the joy of God. God bless you all <3
For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made,
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
Psalm 139:13-14
